Having an affair is one of the quickest ways to kill a marriage. And even if you survive it, your marriage may never be the same. “I would never cheat,” you say. But you may already be cheating without even realizing it. You may be having an emotional affair.

“But emotional affairs are sexless,” you say, “so, it’s not really even cheating, is it? Nobody gets hurt, right?” Actually, they do. And emotional affairs often escalate into physical affairs. So, at the very least, you’re playing with fire. Keep it up, and your marriage may eventually burst into flames.

Photo by morgantepsic

These days, David always gets to the office early. But it’s not the work that makes him rush in every morning.

He deposits his briefcase at his desk and heads for the coffee pot. On his way back, he stops by Paige’s cubicle.

“Good morning.”

She looks up from her book and smiles. “Hey, David. How are you today?”

Photo by vmiramontes

“Great. How about you?”

“Pretty good. Just a little bored. I’m still waiting for my new assignment. I’m counting on that promotion. I just hope it doesn’t fall through.”

David sits down in the chair next to her desk. “I’m sure you’ll get it.” All she has to do is flash that beautiful smile of hers, he thinks. Who can resist her? He certainly can’t.

“Thanks,” says Paige.

She puts her hand on top of David’s hand and his heart begins to race.

She looks deeply into his eyes, as though she is about to tell David she’s in love with him. “How’s your project coming along? Are you gonna make your deadline?”

“I think so,” says David. “My team is doing a great job. I really enjoy working with them.” And I’d really enjoy working with you, Paige, he thinks. Kiss me, Baby. He can see it in her eyes. She wants him just as badly.

Seems like it’s about time for David to ask Paige out. Only one problem. They’re married—and not to each other.

David and Paige are having an emotional affair. To them, it seems harmless enough—especially since neither of them has acknowledged that anything is going on.

Then there’s Mike and Mandy. They’ve have been married for seven years. They have a lovely home in the suburbs. Mike is a wonderful father to their two boys. From all outward appearances, they’re a happy family. But Mike works hard everyday at his construction job. He comes home tired and goes to bed early.

Photo – goldcoldironjr2003

In the past year, Mandy has reconnected with old classmates via Facebook and other social networking sites. Recently, she came across Jeffrey, a guy from her high school graduating class. He’s divorced now, and lives a few hundred miles away.

When Mandy logs into her account, she’s excited to see that Jeffrey is already online, and has a message waiting for her. Has your old man gone off to bed yet? Hello? Are you there, Mandy?

Her heart races as she types her response. Yeah. The old fuddie-duddie has already duddied out.

Mandy is having an emotional affair with Jeffrey—and they both know it. But Mandy doesn’t feel that she’s cheating on her husband. How could she be? Jeffrey is hundreds of miles away.

How about you? Are you having an emotional affair? Take this test to find out.

Photo by hawken.dadako

Write down the points from each of your ‘Yes’ answers (and no changing your answers please):

1. Three points.
2. One point.
3. Two points.
4. Two points.
5. Two points.
6. Two points.
7. Three points.
8. One point.
9. Four points.
10. Four points.
11. Five points.
12. Seven points.
13. Seven points.
14. Seven points.
15. Eight points.

Now add up your points to get your letter grade. And this is not grade school. This is a graduate-level course, so you need a grade of ‘B’ to pass.

Photo by Tony Crider

Emotional Affair Danger Score A – 0 to 1 point. B – 2 points. You may be headed for an emotional affair. C – 3 points. You’re probably already having an emotional affair. D – 4 to 6 points. You’re having an emotional affair, and possibly even slipping toward a physical affair. F – 7 or more points. Keep it up and you may well destroy your marriage.

Did you pass? Congratulations!

But if you failed (a grade of C or lower), you need to make a choice right now. Is your marriage worth saving? Do you want to save it?

If so, may I suggest that you take one or more of following steps:

• Reduce the time you spend with Blake—to zero, if possible.
• Quit touching Blake.
• Force yourself to quit thinking of Blake in a sexual way. “But I can’t help it,” you say. Yes, you can. Every time the thoughts come to your mind, think of something else—like how badly your spouse is going to be hurt if you keep this up.
• If your communication with Blake is online only, end it—cold turkey.
• If the contact is at work, transfer to a different department, if necessary and possible.
• Find another job. Hopefully you won’t have to get this radical.

Photo by dawvon

An emotional affair is exhilarating. And you think that because it’s not physical, it’s no big deal.

But you’re giving less of yourself to your spouse. And if the other person is married, you’re cheating their spouse too.

So, think it through. Make a decision before it’s too late.

It’s a great ride while you’re flying high. But you may be sorry when you finally come down to earth.