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| Photo by Shockie |
The hit song from the 1970’s, “Love the One You’re With,” was all about “free love,” or more accurately, free sex. Why wait until you find some mythical ‘true love?’ You’re with somebody right now, so why wait? Just go ahead and do it.
There were lots of good reasons to wait, but the flower children of the time were not listening to any of them.
But this post is not about a fling with some casual acquaintance. It’s about your longest running relationship. It’s about whether you truly love the one who has always been there, through the best times and the worst times:
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| Photo by fedewild |
YOURSELF.
Until you really and truly love yourself, you’re never going to attain your full potential of lovability. Why would anyone else find you lovable if you can’t even love yourself?
“I do love myself,” you may say. “That’s why I treat myself to the finest restaurants, wear the latest fashions, and drive the coolest car.”
If that’s how you love yourself, then you’re doing it wrong.
- Over-spending on jewelry, cars, boats, etc., in an attempt to impress others, and thus feel loved.
- Drug/alcohol abuse, smoking, overeating, other activities that bring personal pleasure (a feeling of love, or something like it), but are self-destructive.
- Attempting to degrade other people to make yourself look better in comparison.
- Making things right with others by apologizing and making amends, and then releasing yourself from the guilt forever.
- In loving yourself, you love your body and you treat it accordingly: you take a step back and look at yourself and your habits. How would you advise a friend? Take your advice.
- Building yourself up, encouraging yourself. Seeing all the good, all the possibilities. Minimizing the negative thoughts.
- Being patient with yourself while making improvements. Knowing you’ll get there in time.
- Ending personal relationships with people who hurt you, i.e., dumping your abusive boyfriend.
Once you learn to love yourself, you’ll find that you have plenty of love left over for others. And the more love you show toward others, the more you’ll be shown. There’s no formula. It’s not an exact science. But that’s just the way it works.
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| Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography |
Hate Repels Love
Deborah was excited about her first date with Mark. He was tall, handsome, charming, and he had a good career.
But all night she kept thinking about how slutty she was. Why had she jumped right into bed with that slick-talking guy she’d met in a bar? It had happened almost a year ago, but she still couldn’t get past it.
I don’t deserve a great guy like Mark, she thought. Perhaps she would always feel too trashy to be with any decent man.
Deborah’s first date with Mark was also the last. Not because of her past. But because she could not forgive herself for one night of bad judgement.
Deborah was a very attractive young woman, and Mark really liked her. But she hated herself, and he could sense it. And that’s what killed any chances for what might have developed into a wonderful relationship.
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| Photo by CharlotWest |
Love Attracts Love
As an overweight teenager, Millie had been the constant butt of cruel jokes. But her mother had encouraged Millie to love herself no matter what, while gently prodding her to improve her eating habits.
Slowly but surely, Millie trimmed down, knowing all the while that even if she ever gained back her weight, she would still love herself.
Dave fell in love with Millie on their first date. Their personalities were a perfect match. But that alone is never enough. It was the love radiating from Millie that won his heart.
They had been dating for only a few months when Dave asked Millie marry him.
Because Millie had learned to truly love herself, a deep, loving relationship with Dave just came naturally.
Love Repels Hate
(Or at least it should)
It’s difficult to love yourself when a ‘friend’ keeps giving you reasons to hate yourself.
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| Photo by DavidDennisPhotos.com |
“I hear you finally got a job,” said Michael.
“Yeah,” said Craig, “I started yesterday at the pancake house.”
“What have they got you doing? Busing tables?” Michael snickered.
“Yeah. But it’s only temporary.”
“Then what? You’ll be a waiter?”
“Yeah. Probably in a few weeks,” said Craig.
“What a stupid deadend job, Man.”
“Well, I’ve got to start somewhere. And besides, it’s good training. I’m gonna have my own restaurant some day.”
Michael laughed. “Yeah, right.”
“No, really. That’s what I want to do.”
“Craig, you’re an idiot.”
Will Craig ever have his own restaurant? Not if he keeps hanging out with Michael.
Right now Craig has a positive attitude. He loves himself and enjoys what he’s doing. But if he listens to Michael, his self-love may turn into self-loathing. Then he’ll give up his dream and be miserable.
In Summary
- Hate Repels Love
- It’s difficult to love others when you hate yourself.
- You’re unlovable (to some degree) if you hate yourself.
- Love Attracts Love
- When you love yourself, it’s easy to love others.
- When you love yourself, it’s easy for others to love you.
- Love Repels Hate (Or it should)
- When you love yourself, you want to love others, but don’t let hate bring you down.
- It you can’t help the hater to see the light, end the relationship before you’re dragged into the darkness.
Bottom Line: Love the One You’re With: YOURSELF
