Online Dating Profiles: Everybody Is Lying

Photo by robholland

Shopping for Love
Once you’ve selected an online dating service, you’re ready to shop for love. At least that’s what it feels like.

You just pick the most attractive person with the best job and the ideal family situation, i.e., number/age/gender of kids, etc. Then you click the BUY button.

When you first start out it seems that easy. You think you can just choose your perfect match by reading an online dating profile—much the way you might select food items based on their nutrition labels.

Photo by Katie Tegtmeyer

Profiles are great. They give you a photo, age, marital status, a list of interests, etc. But realize this:

EVERYBODY IS LYING.

Or at least exaggerating. The question is: how much?

The Online Dating Profile Photo
Is their photo recent? Probably not. But one thing that you can be reasonable certain of: it’s their best photo. And it may have been taken before they gained 50 pounds. Or before their hair went gray—or disappeared altogether.

It’s only natural for people to want to look their best. After all, they’re selling themselves. (Whether they want you as a customer remains to be seen.)

Photo by Mickael Casol

The profile picture makes the first impression. And it may be their first and last chance to grab your attention.

It’s not like when you meet someone in person. You can’t dazzle them with a funny joke or by the way you smile. That profile picture has got to work magic. In some cases, miracles.

And there’s a lot at stake. Suppose you are interested in two members. Member #1 has a better picture, so you make a date with them.

Member #2 is actually the more attractive one in person, but more importantly, Member #2 is an ideal match for you. But you may never know it.

So, you understand why people use old photos. The competition is fierce, and everybody wants to win.

Photo by heiressanj

Sometimes Older Than They Appear
Jill recently turned 30. She was afraid the 20-somethings would pass her by, so she lied on her profile and said she was 29. After a few dates, when she admitted to 27-year-old Ray that she had lied about her age, he just laughed at her vanity.

Ginger was nearly 40 when she listed her age as 29. Bob thought she was a beautiful woman, and he really liked her. But when he found out she had told a huge fib about her age, he wondered what else she was lying about. Bob eventually dumped Ginger because he just didn’t feel he could trust her.

Photo by jcoterhals

In many cases, you’ll know your online date has lied about their age the moment you meet them. Try to avoid that situation. The right kind of questions, particularly during phone conversations, can elicit the truth—or at least enough hints to tip you off.

You may think it’s no big deal for people to lie about their age. But remember the case of Bob and Ginger, and consider Bob’s concern: If they’re lying about their age, what else are they lying about?

How Many Marriages, How Many Children?
Their dating profile says they are divorced. Is it safe to assume they’ve only been married once? No.

So, how many times have they been married? Does this number include common law marriages (living together), if any?

You can understand why people would hesitate to share these details. And they think that once you get to know them and discover how wonderful they are, these little issues won’t be a problem.

Jerry had been married and divorced four times. For some reason, he’d just had terrible luck finding the right woman. He wasn’t abusive or a neglectful. Jerry was a loving man.

This time he was determined to find the right match. He signed up with one of the many online dating services. In his profile, he stated that he been married twice. Twice…four times—what was the difference?

He really liked Liz’s online profile, and decided to contact her. She was interested too, and after a few emails and phone conversations, they met for a dinner date.

Photo by Natura Paparazzo

Jerry was relating a story about a trip to the Grand Canyon many years ago, when he accidentally mentioned his first wife’s name. Then he had to come clean about his four marriages.

Liz seemed okay with the revelation. But then she excused herself to make a trip to the restroom—and never came back.

Clearly, Jerry shouldn’t have lied on his profile. But Liz could have discovered the truth during a phone conversation if she had asked the right questions.

Maybe she would have also learned of his ten children.

Not So Much Like Shopping for a Mate
So, online dating is really not like shopping at all. It’s more like…being hunted.