You just pick the most attractive person with the best job and the ideal family situation, i.e., number/age/gender of kids, etc. Then you click the BUY button.

When you first start out [...]]]> Photo by robholland

Shopping for Love
Once you’ve selected an online dating service, you’re ready to shop for love. At least that’s what it feels like.

You just pick the most attractive person with the best job and the ideal family situation, i.e., number/age/gender of kids, etc. Then you click the BUY button.

When you first start out it seems that easy. You think you can just choose your perfect match by reading an online dating profile—much the way you might select food items based on their nutrition labels.

Photo by Katie Tegtmeyer

Profiles are great. They give you a photo, age, marital status, a list of interests, etc. But realize this:

EVERYBODY IS LYING.

Or at least exaggerating. The question is: how much?

The Online Dating Profile Photo
Is their photo recent? Probably not. But one thing that you can be reasonable certain of: it’s their best photo. And it may have been taken before they gained 50 pounds. Or before their hair went gray—or disappeared altogether.

It’s only natural for people to want to look their best. After all, they’re selling themselves. (Whether they want you as a customer remains to be seen.)

Photo by Mickael Casol

The profile picture makes the first impression. And it may be their first and last chance to grab your attention.

It’s not like when you meet someone in person. You can’t dazzle them with a funny joke or by the way you smile. That profile picture has got to work magic. In some cases, miracles.

And there’s a lot at stake. Suppose you are interested in two members. Member #1 has a better picture, so you make a date with them.

Member #2 is actually the more attractive one in person, but more importantly, Member #2 is an ideal match for you. But you may never know it.

So, you understand why people use old photos. The competition is fierce, and everybody wants to win.

Photo by heiressanj

Sometimes Older Than They Appear
Jill recently turned 30. She was afraid the 20-somethings would pass her by, so she lied on her profile and said she was 29. After a few dates, when she admitted to 27-year-old Ray that she had lied about her age, he just laughed at her vanity.

Ginger was nearly 40 when she listed her age as 29. Bob thought she was a beautiful woman, and he really liked her. But when he found out she had told a huge fib about her age, he wondered what else she was lying about. Bob eventually dumped Ginger because he just didn’t feel he could trust her.

Photo by jcoterhals

In many cases, you’ll know your online date has lied about their age the moment you meet them. Try to avoid that situation. The right kind of questions, particularly during phone conversations, can elicit the truth—or at least enough hints to tip you off.

You may think it’s no big deal for people to lie about their age. But remember the case of Bob and Ginger, and consider Bob’s concern: If they’re lying about their age, what else are they lying about?

How Many Marriages, How Many Children?
Their dating profile says they are divorced. Is it safe to assume they’ve only been married once? No.

So, how many times have they been married? Does this number include common law marriages (living together), if any?

You can understand why people would hesitate to share these details. And they think that once you get to know them and discover how wonderful they are, these little issues won’t be a problem.

Jerry had been married and divorced four times. For some reason, he’d just had terrible luck finding the right woman. He wasn’t abusive or a neglectful. Jerry was a loving man.

This time he was determined to find the right match. He signed up with one of the many online dating services. In his profile, he stated that he been married twice. Twice…four times—what was the difference?

He really liked Liz’s online profile, and decided to contact her. She was interested too, and after a few emails and phone conversations, they met for a dinner date.

Photo by Natura Paparazzo

Jerry was relating a story about a trip to the Grand Canyon many years ago, when he accidentally mentioned his first wife’s name. Then he had to come clean about his four marriages.

Liz seemed okay with the revelation. But then she excused herself to make a trip to the restroom—and never came back.

Clearly, Jerry shouldn’t have lied on his profile. But Liz could have discovered the truth during a phone conversation if she had asked the right questions.

Maybe she would have also learned of his ten children.

Not So Much Like Shopping for a Mate
So, online dating is really not like shopping at all. It’s more like…being hunted.

Online dating services promise to help you find the man/woman of your dreams. But with so many services available, how do you choose one?

Make the right choice, and you may be on your way to finding your soul mate.

But the [...]]]> Photo by james.rintamaki

It’s a Jungle Out There
You just know your true love is out there somewhere.

Online dating services promise to help you find the man/woman of your dreams. But with so many services available, how do you choose one?

Make the right choice, and you may be on your way to finding your soul mate.

But the wrong move could leave you spinning your wheels.

Here are some tips to help you make the right choice.

Online Dating Service Checklist

Do They Offer a Free Trial Search?
The service should offer a free search of their members. You will probably have to give some information, like your name and email address, before you can search.

Don’t be put off by this. Think about it: once you’re a member of an online dating service, do you really want anybody and everybody anonymously looking through your profile? Requiring some personal information upfront scares off most busybodies.

Photo by space.Boy

Afraid to give your email address for fear that you’ll get spammed to death? There’s an easy solution: set up a free email account on Yahoo or Gmail to use just for this purpose.

Is the Search Too Generic?
What is the point of a free search of your entire state? Or of the entire country?

And if you’re interested in finding someone in their thirties, why would you want to see members in their 20s or 50s?

If the service does not provide a more advanced search which includes zip code and age range, then mark it off your list.

Photo by Ardent Photography

Are the Search Results Legitimate?
Do the search results seem too good to be true? Do the people all look like models or actors?

That’s because THEY ARE.

Make a note: never return to that website. It’s a waste of time. (And money, if they can sucker you into a paid membership.)

Do They Have Enough Members?
No matter how great the website, search capability, pricing, etc., if they don’t have many members in your area, what’s the point?

But suppose you find just the person you’ve been looking for? At least you think so, judging by their picture and profile. Then go ahead. Take a chance.

But just keep in mind that it probably won’t work out. It might. But statistically, don’t hold your breath. Chances are, you’ll have to date for a while before you find THE ONE.

If you see a dozen or so possible matches in the area where you live, then it’s probably worth your time and money to sign up and give it a shot.

Just because you don’t see possibilities for yourself that doesn’t mean the particular dating service is not a good one. It’s just not right for you.

Do They Let You Choose Your Own Matches?
Some services will only allow you to see profiles of the people THEY determine are your matches. This is supposed to save you the trouble of searching through dozens or even hundreds of possibilities. They have you take a questionnaire and then find your matches based on your answers.

Photo by I See You

I DON’T LIKE THIS.

When I was online dating a few years ago I could see ALL the members of my service. If I wanted to look at the profiles of women in Florida even though I lived in Texas, that was my prerogative, doggone it.

But you might feel differently. You might prefer leaving it up to the dating service software to find your perfect match. If so, one of these type services could be just want you’re looking for.

Do They Offer a Free Trial Period?
If the service does not offer a free trial period, mark them off your list. And I’m not talking about a few free searches. You need several days to really get familiar with the service and see how it works, and to find out whether they have any members you’d be interested in dating.

If they don’t offer this, it kinda makes you wonder: what are they hiding?

Make that First Click
I met my wife through an online dating service. As of this writing, we’ve been happily married for over six years.

Photo by I See You

I FOUND THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS ONLINE.

But it wasn’t instantaneous. Over a period of sixteen months I tried five different dating services (Gee, that sounds kinda desperate). At that time only a few online dating services existed. Now there are dozens.

Whatever service you choose, I wish you the best in finding your true love.

The road to online dating success starts with the click of a mouse. So, get clicking!

Why not be happy right now? What are you waiting for?

“I’m too busy right now with school,” you say. “I’ll be happy when I graduate.”

Or, “Happiness is for the successful. I’ll be happy once I have a lot of [...]]]> Photo by Amy Loves Yah

Are you happy? If not, do you hope to be happy some day?

Why not be happy right now? What are you waiting for?

“I’m too busy right now with school,” you say. “I’ll be happy when I graduate.”

Or, “Happiness is for the successful. I’ll be happy once I have a lot of money.”

Really? Are you sure about that?

The Happiness Store

Photo by rynosoft

Mr. Banks spotted the sign from the back seat of his limo. “Stop!”

His chauffeur pulled over to the curb, got out and rushed around to open the door for his boss.

Mr. Banks stepped out and stood for a moment, studying the large sign above the entrance:

THE HAPPINESS STORE.

He went into the store and walked up to the counter. “I want to buy some happiness. And give me the very best you’ve got.”

Photo by Photo2217

“I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t sell happiness.”

“Then why do you call it The Happiness Store?”

“Because we store happiness.”

“You store it, but you don’t sell it.”

“Correct.”

“Well, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. How can you store happiness?”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I can’t tell you that. It’s proprietary technology.”

Mr. Banks scowled at the clerk, and then turned and walked toward the exit. What a scam, he thought.

A young man blocked his path. “I may be able to help you,” he whispered.

“Get out of my way.”

“You want happiness, right?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“Well, I can sell you a share of happiness.”

Mr. Banks was intrigued.

“But I’ll need cash.”

“I might be interested.”

“Follow me.” He took Mr. Banks to a back room and closed the door. “Please have seat, Sir.”

Photo by andronicusmax

The young man sat down behind a large laptop and began to type and click—apparently hacking into the system.

Mr. Banks didn’t care—as long as he got what he wanted.

“Okay, here we go. This guy is happy because his doctor told him he has 18 months to live. I can give you a good price on a share of his happiness.”

“Why is he happy? He’s about to die.”

“I don’t know. But this data is extremely accurate, Sir. I can assure you of that. So, what do you think?”

“I would be happy for 18 months?”

“Yes.”

Photo by Robert S. Donovan

“Well, I guess that would do. Then I’d just come back and buy another share.”

“No, Sir. That’s not how it works.”

“You mean it’s a one-shot deal?”

“That’s correct.”

“So, I’ll be happy for 18 months and that’s it.”

“Yes, Sir. And then you die.”

“What?!”

“You get exactly the same experience as this man. When he first found out he had cancer, he was told he had less than three months to live. Later his doctor revised it to 18 months.”

“So, I’d get cancer and die. Well, if that’s the best you can do for me, then I’d rather go on being miserable.” He stood up.

“Wait,” said the young man, typing and clicking furiously. “How about this guy? He inherited millions.”

Mr. Banks sat back down. “This could work for me.”

“Looks like he wasted his fortune and ended up living on the street.”

“I should have known.”

“But after a few months, he found happiness.”

“How? By becoming a self-made man?” Mr. Banks perked up. “Yeah, I’ll bet he started his own company and became wealthy again. I could that—I think. Although I don’t know about living on the street…”

“No, you’ve got it all wrong. He didn’t become wealthy again. He’s working at an auto repair shop. Says he loves it.”

“This is nuts,” said Mr. Banks, as he got up to walk out. “I’ll find my own happiness.”

But he never did.

Photo by Amy Loves Yah

A little girl is standing in the yard, blowing bubbles. Sometimes when she blows into the soapy membrane it just pops. But other times her breath launches an array of multicolored bubbles of various sizes.

You observe the sheer joy in her face as she watches the bubbles float through the air. This is what you’ve been looking for.

You rush up to her and place a $100 bill in her small hand.

Now they’re your bubbles. You will finally be happy. You attempt to gather your purchase. But each bubble pops the instant you touch it.

Happiness is elusive. But it’s not complicated.

Photo by Robert S. Donovan

The little girl was happy because of the bubbles.

Later she’ll be happy because it’s time to eat lunch. Then she’ll be happy when someone makes her laugh. She’s happy most of the time—and she’s not even trying.

Maybe that’s your problem—you’re trying to hard.

Perhaps you’re so busy seeking happiness in success, fame, and riches that you’re completely ignoring the beautiful bubbles floating all around you.

So, quit saving up for happiness. It’s already right in front of you.

Enjoy.

Beware: the calories you’re drinking today may be the ones that make you fat tomorrow. Or next year.

You know that excess calories are what make you [...]]]> Photo by DeaPeaJay

Liquid Calories Are the Most Devious
What are you drinking right now? Coffee? Coke? Juice? Wine? Do you have any idea how many liquid calories you’ve consumed today?

Beware: the calories you’re drinking today may be the ones that make you fat tomorrow. Or next year.

You know that excess calories are what make you gain weight. But it’s easy to forget about the calories in the things you drink. And over time, those calories will sneak up on you.

For example, let’s assume you are following a proper diet, with the correct number of calories to maintain your desired weight. Now add four 5-oz. glasses of wine per week to the mix. By the end of the year, you will have gained 7 pounds!

Other examples:

Photo by clevercupcakes

See It for What It Is: Dessert
So, does this mean that you can never have a Coke or a flavored coffee or a glass of wine? No.

But, with the exception of drinks like milk, they tend to have little nutritional value—just like cake. So, try thinking of your high-calorie drinks as desserts.

You wouldn’t eat a giant frosted cupcake with every meal, would you? (If so, you have bigger problems).

So, be aware of how the things you’re drinking affect your weight. For example, limiting yourself to just one margarita per week can still cause you to gain 5 lbs. per year—unless you cut back elsewhere.

But the problem is: where do you cut back?

For example, a woman who wants to maintain her weight of 130 lbs. should eat no more than about 1,690 calories per day (formula: 13 calories x 130 lbs.), assuming an average level of activity. So, after having her favorite Frappuccino (see chart above) in the morning she has 1,180 calories left (1,690 – 510). It’s going to be a tough day.

Photo by Ben30

Would You Like Gravy with That?
Do you have a high-calorie drink with each meal? Consider substituting a low-calorie or no-calorie drink like water, unsweetened tea or a diet drink.

I know. Lunch is just not lunch without a 20-oz. Dr. Pepper. And you hate the taste of diet drinks.

Try thinking of it this way: having a high-calorie drink along with your meal is like pouring gravy on everything.

Just imagine this exchange between you and a waiter:

Photo by Kevin Lawver

“I’d like the grilled chicken with broccoli, and a garden salad.”

“Yes, Ma’am. And would you like your grilled chicken smothered in white cream gravy?”

You smile. “Yes, please. Sounds delicious.”

“And the garden salad comes with brown gravy. Is that okay?”

“Definitely. In fact, give me a double order of gravy. I hate it when I can taste the lettuce.”

Does that make you want to barf? Good. Maybe if you keep that image in your mind it will help you cut back on the calorie-rich drinks.

In Summary

• The calories in drinks are devious. Don’t let them fool you.
• Count the calories in everything you drink.
• The calories in drinks can go to your butt just as easily as the ones in food.
• Find alternatives to your high-calorie drinks.
• Enjoy high-calorie drinks as you would desserts—sparingly.
• Having high-calorie drinks with meals is like pouring gravy on everything you eat.

There were lots of good reasons to wait, but the [...]]]> Photo by Shockie

The hit song from the 1970’s, “Love the One You’re With,” was all about “free love,” or more accurately, free sex. Why wait until you find some mythical ‘true love?’ You’re with somebody right now, so why wait? Just go ahead and do it.

There were lots of good reasons to wait, but the flower children of the time were not listening to any of them.

But this post is not about a fling with some casual acquaintance. It’s about your longest running relationship. It’s about whether you truly love the one who has always been there, through the best times and the worst times:

Photo by fedewild

YOURSELF.

Until you really and truly love yourself, you’re never going to attain your full potential of lovability. Why would anyone else find you lovable if you can’t even love yourself?

“I do love myself,” you may say. “That’s why I treat myself to the finest restaurants, wear the latest fashions, and drive the coolest car.”

If that’s how you love yourself, then you’re doing it wrong.

Once you learn to love yourself, you’ll find that you have plenty of love left over for others. And the more love you show toward others, the more you’ll be shown. There’s no formula. It’s not an exact science. But that’s just the way it works.

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography

Hate Repels Love
Deborah was excited about her first date with Mark. He was tall, handsome, charming, and he had a good career.

But all night she kept thinking about how slutty she was. Why had she jumped right into bed with that slick-talking guy she’d met in a bar? It had happened almost a year ago, but she still couldn’t get past it.

I don’t deserve a great guy like Mark, she thought. Perhaps she would always feel too trashy to be with any decent man.

Deborah’s first date with Mark was also the last. Not because of her past. But because she could not forgive herself for one night of bad judgement.

Deborah was a very attractive young woman, and Mark really liked her. But she hated herself, and he could sense it. And that’s what killed any chances for what might have developed into a wonderful relationship.

Photo by CharlotWest

Love Attracts Love
As an overweight teenager, Millie had been the constant butt of cruel jokes. But her mother had encouraged Millie to love herself no matter what, while gently prodding her to improve her eating habits.

Slowly but surely, Millie trimmed down, knowing all the while that even if she ever gained back her weight, she would still love herself.

Dave fell in love with Millie on their first date. Their personalities were a perfect match. But that alone is never enough. It was the love radiating from Millie that won his heart.

They had been dating for only a few months when Dave asked Millie marry him.

Because Millie had learned to truly love herself, a deep, loving relationship with Dave just came naturally.

Love Repels Hate
(Or at least it should)
It’s difficult to love yourself when a ‘friend’ keeps giving you reasons to hate yourself.

Photo by DavidDennisPhotos.com

“I hear you finally got a job,” said Michael.

“Yeah,” said Craig, “I started yesterday at the pancake house.”

“What have they got you doing? Busing tables?” Michael snickered.

“Yeah. But it’s only temporary.”

“Then what? You’ll be a waiter?”

“Yeah. Probably in a few weeks,” said Craig.

“What a stupid deadend job, Man.”

“Well, I’ve got to start somewhere. And besides, it’s good training. I’m gonna have my own restaurant some day.”

Michael laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“No, really. That’s what I want to do.”

“Craig, you’re an idiot.”

Will Craig ever have his own restaurant? Not if he keeps hanging out with Michael.

Right now Craig has a positive attitude. He loves himself and enjoys what he’s doing. But if he listens to Michael, his self-love may turn into self-loathing. Then he’ll give up his dream and be miserable.

In Summary

• Hate Repels Love
  • It’s difficult to love others when you hate yourself.
  • You’re unlovable (to some degree) if you hate yourself.
• Love Attracts Love
  • When you love yourself, it’s easy to love others.
  • When you love yourself, it’s easy for others to love you.
• Love Repels Hate (Or it should)
  • When you love yourself, you want to love others, but don’t let hate bring you down.
  • It you can’t help the hater to see the light, end the relationship before you’re dragged into the darkness.

Bottom Line: Love the One You’re With: YOURSELF

Because it FEELS SO GOOD.

Do you know what I’m talking about? Then you may well be ADDICTED TO ANGER.

It makes you superhuman. All-powerful. It’s more seductive than any beer buzz or drug high. And it [...]]]> Drawing by JelleS

The Sheer Power of Anger
Why do people lose their temper? Why do they let anger control their behavior?

Because it FEELS SO GOOD.

Do you know what I’m talking about? Then you may well be ADDICTED TO ANGER.

It makes you superhuman. All-powerful. It’s more seductive than any beer buzz or drug high. And it will destroy your life.

At the weekly meeting Harry was scheduled to make his presentation right after Eddie’s. But his heart sunk when he saw that Eddie had stolen his idea. Harry had mentioned the idea at lunch one day. Eddie was a good friend. Harry really believed he could be trusted.

When Eddie finished, Harry lied, telling his manager that he was not ready, and asked if he could postpone his presentation.

After the meeting, Harry went back to his cubicle and let his anger brew. How dare Eddie steal his idea? The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. Now the adrenaline began to kick in. He could feel the power coursing through his veins.

Harry stormed down to Eddie’s cubicle. “I thought I could trust you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You stole my presentation.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I told you about that idea a couple of weeks ago.”

Drawing by JelleS

“It was just an idea. You hadn’t done anything with it. And, quite frankly, I didn’t think you were going to,” said Eddie. “You’re always coming up with ideas, but you never follow through. So, I decided to run with it.”

Harry gritted his teeth as he pointed his finger at Eddie. “You’re a back-stabbing cheater. And you’re not gonna get away with it.” He stomped off.

After going home for lunch, Harry went looking for Eddie. He found him at the coffee pot. “I hear you already got the promotion.”

“Yes, I did.” Eddie smiled. “Finally.”

“That was MY promotion. You don’t deserve it, you lying snake.”

“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, Harry, but—what are you doing? Take it easy, Buddy. Now just put that thing away.”

Harry’s entire body throbbed with power. He could have ripped Eddie apart with his bare hands. “Nobody cheats me.” He squeezed the trigger.

Once Harry’s rage subsided, the power quickly drained from his body, and the horrible realization of what he had done began to sink in. He heard his co-workers mumbling in the distance. The police would arrive shortly.

Harry turned the gun on himself.

Drawing by JelleS

Jenny loved her little family. All around the house were dozens of pictures of her one-year-old son, Clay.

But Jenny was a strict disciplinarian. She intended to raise her son just like her daddy raised her and her brothers.

She was watching a movie on TV when she suddenly realized that Clay had wandered out of the living room. She found her son in the master bedroom, diaper off, finger painting the carpet with the contents of his diaper.

Jenny was furious. “You little pig—that carpet is brand new.” Her anger escalated quickly. She snatched up Clay—the way her father had done it to her so many times. In her rage-empowered hands, the child felt as light as a feather.

Jenny shook him violently. Clay began to cry. Then she yelled at him again. Clay cried louder. Jenny threw the boy against the wall with all her might. It felt so good.

Clay’s little body lay lifeless on the floor.

A tidal wave of guilt and horror gushed over Jenny. She collapsed to her knees, devastated.

“But I can’t help getting angry,” you say, “he wrecked my car.”

It’s okay to get angry. But you must stay in control of your emotions. Remember: it’s just a car. What’s more important: a car or your son? Punishment may well be deserved. But think about it rationally. Do not lose your temper.

Drawing by JelleS

Anger Control Strategy: Imagine the Future
Consider what’s going to happen if you let yourself go over to the dark side. Once the adrenaline kicks in, the demon takes control.

So, every time you feel your anger beginning to burn, think about where it could lead. What will happen if you let it play out? Picture it in your mind. See the future. Regret what you’re going to do—before you do it, while you still have control. Now change your future.

When your rage has passed, and the damage is done, you’ll be sorry for what you’ve become.

Don’t let it happen. Play it cool. Save your life—don’t be a fool.

How many times have you lost pounds, only to gain them right back? Why keep trying? Everybody’s a little heavier these days. It’s just a fact of modern life.

That is [...]]]> Photo by Larry Tomlinson

In this post I’m going to give you 8 tips to help you lose fat and FINALLY keep it off FOREVER.

How many times have you lost pounds, only to gain them right back? Why keep trying? Everybody’s a little heavier these days. It’s just a fact of modern life.

That is the attitude of many people—to just be fat and happy. They’re trapped at their current weight and there’s nothing they can do about it.

And they pretend they’re fine. They delude themselves into thinking the extra pounds are not a problem. You rarely hear this conversation:

“How’s it going, John?”

“Great, Bill—except for this extra forty pounds around my gut.”

“You look fine, John.”

Photo by Ordinary Guy

“Well, I’m not fine. I’ve got gobs of fat packed around my heart. My doctor had to put me on blood pressure medicine. And he says I’m headed for diabetes. I’ll probably have to start giving myself insulin shots.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No. It’s gonna be the pits. But I’ll have to do it. I sure don’t want to lose a foot or a leg. And my knee joints are starting to grind. The doc tells me the padding has just worn out. But other than that, everything is wonderful.”

No, you don’t usually hear this conversation—but you should. We should be talking about our self-inflicted weight-related problems. Maybe then we would wake up and take action before our bodies start to deteriorate.

Look at this chart and select the column you prefer.

Admittedly, things are not this clear-cut for everyone. For example, some people will still have heart trouble, at any weight. But I think you get the idea.

So, do you want to do something about that excess weight? Here are my 8 tips to help you lose the fat and keep it off forever.

Photo by KM Photography

1. Determine Your Proper Weight Range
Have you seriously thought about how much weight you need to lose? You can’t know the answer to that question until you make an honest assessment of what your weight should really be.

Back in 2004, I used to make statements like, “Yeah, I need to lose a few pounds.” I am 6-foot-4, and at that time I weighed 238 lbs.

But then I referred to the Body Mass Index Chart, and realized that I was way overweight—nearly at the obese level.

I’ve lost 33 pounds, so now I’m down to 205, which is on the line between Normal and Overweight. My goal is 185, but I already feel so much better.

Now for your moment of truth. Consult the chart below to determine the ideal weight range for your height. This chart is for men and women.

The dashed lines represent subdivisions within a major class. For instance the “Underweight” classification is further divided into “severe,” “moderate,” and “mild” subclasses. Based on World Health Organization data. Chart Source: Wikipedia.org

Photo by exfordy

2. Exercise Is NOT the Answer
“It’s okay because I’ve got a plan,” you say. “Beginning next week, I will get up early every morning and go for a five-mile run.”

Will you really do that? Will you get up early every morning and run? Or will you quit after a few days?

If you can lose weight by running or swimming or pumping iron—great. But if adding exercise is the only change you make to your routine, what happens you get tired of it and quit? And some people are ravenous after exercise. So, they eat even more than they normally would, wiping out any possibility of weight reduction.

And what about maintenance? Can you keep up your calorie-burning workout for the rest of your life? Will you still be running those laps when you’re 86? Or even next year?

I’m not trying to discourage you from exercising. Not at all. You need exercise. All I’m saying is that if the only way you can lose weight and keep it off is by jogging five miles a day, then you’d better face the fact that you’re going to gain the pounds back when you stop jogging.

So, what is the answer?

Photo by Brent & MariLynn

3. Say Goodbye to Your Bad Eating Habits
I’ve got good news and bad news.

The BAD NEWS: you’ve got to start eating less calories.

“No,” you say, “that doesn’t work for me. No matter how little I eat, I still can’t lose.”

Really? Imagine consuming nothing but water for an entire week. (I’m not suggesting that you actually do this.) Would you lose weight? Of course you would. So, now that you’ve realized you can lose weight by reducing your food intake, we’re ready to get serious.

Do you know how many calories you should be eating per day in order to reach or maintain your goal weight? If you exercise 30-60 minutes at least three days per week, you will need about 15 calories per pound per day. But if you don’t exercise regularly, you will only need 13 calories per pound per day.

Let’s assume that you do not exercise regularly. You might go for an occasional walk or golf one day a week, but that’s about it. That means if you average eating 2,000 calories a day, you will eventually weigh around 154 pounds (2,000 calories divided by 13).

Photo by exfordy

Suppose your goal weight is 130. Using the formula, 130 lbs. x 13 = 1,690 calories. Now imagine this day of eating: You skip breakfast, eat lunch at McDonald’s, dinner at Olive Garden. (I used to eat like this everyday—except I didn’t skip breakfast.)

Your Big Mac was 540 calories. And you couldn’t resist a small order of fries. Who can resist McDonald’s fries? They added another 230 calories. At least you opted for a diet drink.

For dinner, you went to Olive Garden. (I love Olive Garden.) You ate one plate of salad (280 calories) and limited yourself to just two breadsticks (300 calories).

For the entree, you selected spaghetti and meat sauce (710 calories). That put your total caloric intake for the day at 2,060 calories. Oops, almost forgot that big piece of chocolate cake at work (400 calories). You had to eat a piece. It was your best friend’s birthday.

Now you’re 770 calories over your goal for the day, and you didn’t even eat breakfast. If you do that every day, you’ll eventually weigh 189 pounds—considerably higher than your goal of 130.

So, what’s the GOOD NEWS? You can still enjoy eating. But you’ve got to be smarter about it. Read on.

Photo by krisdecurtis

4. Don’t Blow It When You Eat Out
Your menu selections can make or break your day. I’ll use another example from Olive Garden. Suppose you choose the Five Cheese Ziti Al Forno. BAM! You’ve just blown it. This meal is 1,050 calories—not including salad or breaksticks.

You could have chosen something lighter, like Chicken Giardino, which is only 408 calories.

My favorite dish at Olive Garden is Eggplant Parmigiana, which is 793 calories, which I can handle as long as I’m careful the rest of the day.

Most restaurants list nutritional information on their websites. Educate yourself. There are also books available. You might want to carry one around with you. After a while, you won’t even need the book. You’ll know exactly what you can eat and what to avoid.

5. Read Nutrition Labels
For home cooked meals, be sure to read the nutrition labels when you’re at the grocery store.

And it’s not just about watching your calories. You need to make sure you are getting good nutrition. If you’re not familiar with the U.S.D.A. Food Pyramid, you should study it.

6. Replace Your Bad Foods with Exciting New Ones
One of the challenges I have with controlling my weight is that I have hypoglycemia. And when my blood sugar drops off, I get weak, lose concentration, become irritable, and could eventually pass out if I don’t eat.

Suppose I eat a light lunch—perhaps a salad. By 3:00 p.m. I’ll be in big trouble if I don’t eat a snack. And if I eat the wrong kind of snack, like a candy bar, I’ll need something else in an hour or so. The calories can easily get out of control.

I went on a quest for a food that was low in calories and fat, high in fiber and protein. Also, it needed to be something I could carry in my pocket. What I discovered was Kashi bars. They have dozens of varieties. I love most of them.

Check out this nutrition label for the Cherry Dark Chocolate. It’s one of my favorites. Only 120 calories, 2 grams of fat, 4 grams of fiber and 5 grams of protein. Amazing!

And when my wife and I get a craving for delivery pizza, we just go to the freezer and grab a Kashi pizza instead. (And just so you know, I’m not getting paid to promote Kashi or any other products.)

And for lunch? A Weight Watchers “Smart Ones” frozen meal, like Santa Fe Beans and Rice, is one of our favorites. Lean Cuisine is also a great way to go. There are several companies that make wonderful frozen meals. Just don’t forget to read the nutrition labels.

7. You Don’t Have to Give Up All Desserts
I love this part. This my secret weapon.

Every night my wife and I each eat a giant ice cream fudge bar. That’s right—every night. How do we get away with it?

A few months ago we discovered Weight Watchers Giant Ice Cream Fudge Bars. These things are fantastic. They taste a lot like a Wendy’s Frosty. But check out these numbers: 110 calories, 1 gram of fat, 5 grams of fiber. The only negative is 0 grams of protein.

Let’s say you’ve eaten properly all day. You’ve kept your caloric intake under control. But it’s 8:30 p.m. and you’re starving! If you see one more fast food commercial, you’re gonna run out the door screaming for a hamburger and fries.

But wait—you have a Weight Watchers Giant Ice Cream Fudge Bar in the freezer. It’s delicious, but you’re still thinking about that burger. But then the 5 grams of fiber begins to fill you up. You don’t feel hungry anymore. A couple of hours later when you go off to bed, you’re still okay. You made it!

My wife also loves Weight Watchers Giant Latte Ice Cream Bar. They have only 90 calories, 1 gram of fat, 4 grams of fiber and 3 grams of protein.

Photo by Army.mil

But what if you don’t like chocolate? Try Weight Watcher’s Giant Sorbet and Ice Cream Bars, in Wildberry and Orange flavors. They have 120 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 4 grams of fiber and 2 grams of protein.

You can have higher calorie desserts too—occasionally. But don’t forget to count the calories.

8. Look Younger Without Even Trying
I’m telling you all this to encourage you to improve your health by losing excess weight forever. It’s not primarily about your looks.

However, a nice side effect of getting your weight down where it belongs is that you will probably look better—younger. And who wouldn’t want that?

So, use it to stay motivated. Remind yourself that you’re gonna look younger, cooler. That’s gotta help your will power.

In Summary

• Know what your ideal weight is.
• Know that you’ll feel better and be healthier when your weight is under control.
• Don’t go along with the overeating crowd.
• Exercise for fun and good health—not as an excuse to eat more.
• Develop good eating habits, and lose the bad ones.
• There’s no free lunch when you eat out—count the calories.
• Read nutrition labels and get the right balance of nutrients.
• The right evening snack puts the finishing touch on a successful eating day.
• Know that you’re gonna look better, but don’t use it as your only motivation.
• It’ll take some effort, but you’re worth it, Baby!

“But emotional affairs are sexless,” you say, [...]]]> Having an affair is one of the quickest ways to kill a marriage. And even if you survive it, your marriage may never be the same. “I would never cheat,” you say. But you may already be cheating without even realizing it. You may be having an emotional affair.

“But emotional affairs are sexless,” you say, “so, it’s not really even cheating, is it? Nobody gets hurt, right?” Actually, they do. And emotional affairs often escalate into physical affairs. So, at the very least, you’re playing with fire. Keep it up, and your marriage may eventually burst into flames.

Photo by morgantepsic

These days, David always gets to the office early. But it’s not the work that makes him rush in every morning.

He deposits his briefcase at his desk and heads for the coffee pot. On his way back, he stops by Paige’s cubicle.

“Good morning.”

She looks up from her book and smiles. “Hey, David. How are you today?”

Photo by vmiramontes

“Great. How about you?”

“Pretty good. Just a little bored. I’m still waiting for my new assignment. I’m counting on that promotion. I just hope it doesn’t fall through.”

David sits down in the chair next to her desk. “I’m sure you’ll get it.” All she has to do is flash that beautiful smile of hers, he thinks. Who can resist her? He certainly can’t.

“Thanks,” says Paige.

She puts her hand on top of David’s hand and his heart begins to race.

She looks deeply into his eyes, as though she is about to tell David she’s in love with him. “How’s your project coming along? Are you gonna make your deadline?”

“I think so,” says David. “My team is doing a great job. I really enjoy working with them.” And I’d really enjoy working with you, Paige, he thinks. Kiss me, Baby. He can see it in her eyes. She wants him just as badly.

Seems like it’s about time for David to ask Paige out. Only one problem. They’re married—and not to each other.

David and Paige are having an emotional affair. To them, it seems harmless enough—especially since neither of them has acknowledged that anything is going on.

Then there’s Mike and Mandy. They’ve been married for seven years. They have a lovely home in the suburbs. Mike is a wonderful father to their two boys. From all outward appearances, they’re a happy family. But Mike works hard everyday at his construction job. He comes home tired and goes to bed early.

Photo – goldcoldironjr2003

In the past year, Mandy has reconnected with old classmates via Facebook and other social networking sites. Recently, she came across Jeffrey, a guy from her high school graduating class. He’s divorced now, and lives a few hundred miles away.

When Mandy logs into her account, she’s excited to see that Jeffrey is already online, and has a message waiting for her. Has your old man gone off to bed yet? Hello? Are you there, Mandy?

Her heart races as she types her response. Yeah. The old fuddie-duddie has already duddied out.

Mandy is having an emotional affair with Jeffrey—and they both know it. But Mandy doesn’t feel that she’s cheating on her husband. How could she be? Jeffrey is hundreds of miles away.

How about you? Are you having an emotional affair? Take this test to find out.

Photo by hawken.dadako

Write down the points from each of your ‘Yes’ answers (and no changing your answers please):

1. Three points.
2. One point.
3. Two points.
4. Two points.
5. Two points.
6. Two points.
7. Three points.
8. One point.
9. Four points.
10. Four points.
11. Five points.
12. Seven points.
13. Seven points.
14. Seven points.
15. Eight points.

Now add up your points to get your letter grade. And this is not grade school. This is a graduate-level course, so you need a grade of ‘B’ to pass.

Photo by Tony Crider

Emotional Affair Danger Score A – 0 to 1 point. B – 2 points. You may be headed for an emotional affair. C – 3 points. You’re probably already having an emotional affair. D – 4 to 6 points. You’re having an emotional affair, and possibly even slipping toward a physical affair. F – 7 or more points. Keep it up and you may well destroy your marriage.

Did you pass? Congratulations!

But if you failed (a grade of C or lower), you need to make a choice right now. Is your marriage worth saving? Do you want to save it?

If so, may I suggest that you take one or more of following steps:

• Reduce the time you spend with Blake—to zero, if possible.
• Quit touching Blake.
• Force yourself to quit thinking of Blake in a sexual way. “But I can’t help it,” you say. Yes, you can. Every time the thoughts come to your mind, think of something else—like how badly your spouse is going to be hurt if you keep this up.
• If your communication with Blake is online only, end it—cold turkey.
• If the contact is at work, transfer to a different department, if necessary and possible.
• Find another job. Hopefully you won’t have to get this radical.

Photo by dawvon

An emotional affair is exhilarating. And you think that because it’s not physical, it’s no big deal.

But you’re giving less of yourself to your spouse. And if the other person is married, you’re cheating their spouse too.

So, think it through. Make a decision before it’s too late.

It’s a great ride while you’re flying high. But you may be sorry when you finally come down to earth.

Online dating services [...]]]> In a previous article about online dating I talked about eight types of women that serious men might want to avoid. Now it’s time for the man list. Actually, you may not want to avoid these men. If you’re not looking for a serious relationship, then this list may not apply to you.

Online dating services will connect you with all types of men. And when used effectively, these services can be wonderfully helpful in finding a match. If you just want to date for fun, you should have no trouble finding plenty of willing men.

But if you’re seeking a long-term relationship, you’ll want to beware of these guys:

Sketch by Arden Photography

Charles Coppercuff
Charles is a king in the business world. And if you’re really lucky, you could become his queen. Everything is about his power and authority over his kingdom. You might be impressed with his take charge attitude at first—especially if you’ve grown tired of wishy-washers.

Sir Coppercuff knows exactly what he wants. The only question is whether you are in fact the fair maiden who can meets his stringent requirements. He’s not a player. He truly wants to settle down and have a family with you. Although, you and the heirs you produce may well suffocate within the gates of the royal compound.

Sketch by Arden Photography

Jag McKool
With Jag, it’s all about his car…and his penthouse…and his huge salary. It doesn’t matter whether he’s good-looking or interesting or funny. He has loads of money, and he knows women will flock to him.

He couldn’t care less about a real relationship. Sure, you’ll be fun to have around for a while. But let’s face it—Jag will never love you as much as he loves his car. And he’ll only love his car until the new model comes out.

Photo by Todd Ehlers

Barney Bearbulge
You love the feel of Barney’s large, firm muscles. Hopefully he’s the non-violent type, since he could break you like a twig.

His offer to ‘pump you up’ sounds good. You’ve been wanting to get into shape. So, you start working out with him. Half your dates are at the gym.

Now the two of you stroll along the beach, showing off your hot bods. But will you ever really feel secure about his love? Or will you worry that an even hotter babe will come along and kick away your sandcastle love?

Sketch by indiamos

D.O. Already
D.O. has had more than his share of dating disappointments. In fact, he’s already pretty much given up.

If you really like him, and think he has potential, then go ahead—give him mouth to mouth and try to bring him back to life.

Just be sure you don’t accidentally inhale his mummified air.

Photo by libraryimages.net

Ricky Peedia
At first you’re impressed with Ricky’s vast knowledge. It’s fun to show him off at parties—like a new iPhone.

Being with Ricky is like walking around with a human encyclopedia—which is kinda cool…until the first time he makes you look like a fool.

Sketch by Mike Dakinewavamon

Dane Bestbud
In your online dating profile requirements, you stated “Must Love Dogs.” Well, be careful what you wish for.

Dane does love his dog. He loves him so much that he sleeps with him and French kisses him—in front of you.

However, if this doesn’t bother you, then maybe you two will make a perfect match.

Photo by tsevis

Michael Mystique
His mysterious personality is almost hypnotic. Everything he says has a hidden meaning. You have no idea what he’s talking about, but it sounds cool. You sometimes wonder if he can read your mind.

But when you question him regarding his interest in having kids, he goes off on a tangent about children starving in other galaxies.

After a while you realize he’s never going to give you a straight answer about anything.

Sketch by strautniekas

Oliver Overhill
He’s a very nice man. You just wish he hadn’t lied in his online profile. He’s way too old for you.

Sure, he’s a kind, caring person. And he’d like nothing better than to take care of you for the rest of his life—however short that life may be.

Perhaps you’d like to quit your job and be a stay-at-home mom. No problem. Oliver would love that.

Just be sure you can handle it when everyone thinks you’re his daughter.

Photo by libraryimages.net

Gil Goldenway
It’s a wonder Gil is even online. A friend or family member must have set up his account, because Gil hates technology.

He refuses to own a computer or even a cell phone. The old phonograph still works great. Who needs a CD player?

Gil believes in honor, faith, strength, and family. You really admire those qualities.

So, go for it, if you really believe you can adapt to his horse and buggy world.